On paper, a bar next to a railway station seems like such a good idea - no long walks in tottering heels or rows over who will be the designated driver, you can simply jump off a train and start sipping.

Yet so often they turn out to be less than desirable spots to spend an evening - the one in my hometown, whose name shall be spared, being a particularly unsavoury example.

It wasn’t clear from the outside of Lang’s in Sittingbourne whether it was going to prove to be the exception or the rule.

As you might expect from a building that spent most of its 160 years as The Globe & Engine inn, it doesn’t scream ‘cocktail lounge’ from the outside, and the monochrome paint job didn’t give any clues as to what might be waiting inside.

Through the door, while it was clear it was a converted pub, the décor was definitely more Greene Queen than Greene King.

The hops over the bar were replaced with faux flowers, the walls were hot pink and the boards you might expect to see advertising the next footie games had been taken over by portraits of hares in various costumes, giving off Alice and Wonderland vibes.

There wasn’t a lot of seating, though, and the slightly awkward L-shaped room gave a lot of space over to a dancefloor - though I’m assured this is filled when the bar holds its regular bottomless brunches.

The menu included half a dozen classics, including Sex On the Beach and Woo Woos - all £8.95 and on a permanent two-for-one - plus six signature drinks, which were outside the deal and £9.50. These included a Strawberry Rum Smash, Cherry Bakewell and your usual mojitos and martinis.

At one point, whiskey and Amaretto sours were on offer too, but these had been scrawled out with a permanent marker.

We quickly found out the Sharpie had been retired prematurely.

The menu was a complete lottery, and the ordering process involved a fair bit of head-cocking and ‘hmmm’ing, before the barmaid disappeared behind the counter, only to return with an apologetic look on her face.

No triple sec for the margarita, we were told, and the Kahlua for the espresso martinis had been hoovered up after a run on Baby Guinnesses.

We settled on a Piña Colada, mainly out of availability, and the Cherry Bakewell on the advice of the only other drinkers in - a pair of friends having a catch-up.

“She makes a mean cocktail”, they told us, and I couldn’t disagree. Bearing in mind the price I was fully prepared to wince as I took my first sip, but the Bakewell, with vanilla vodka, Amaretto, raspberry purée and pineapple juice, was a nice balance between sweet, tart and sour.

The Piña Colada, topped with blueberries, was big on ice, but managed to stay creamy without being sickly sweet.

If we were going purely on the value and banter with the barmaid, we could end this now with five stars.

But now to the elephant in the room - the fact that it smelled like an elephant had been in the room.

It might have been the toilets, it might have been the drains, but something was definitely amiss - the blueberries were not the only things that were fruity in this bar.

A further inspection of the ladies’ found it was in a pretty grim state, though it did come with the surprise of a cubicle with two loos in one - for those who can’t bear to break off the gossip even when nature calls.

In search of a less fragrant backdrop to our refreshments, we braved the garden, which was also a story of two halves.

In one, colourful plastic chairs with faux fur throws were arranged on astroturf under an awning strung with fake flowers and decorated with images of toucans and starfish.

This bit was nice enough - well-ventilated at least - and I could have been tempted to stay had the heaters been working.

Catch up with the Secret Drinker’s latest pub review here

Round the corner, however, the windswept area of hardstanding overlooking the town’s Travelodge was less appealing - it looked like I’d stumbled out of the tropics and straight into Soviet Russia.

Back inside in the warmth, we held our noses and ordered two Pornstar Martinis for the road - one which was obligingly swapped for a mocktail instead.

Again, I couldn’t really fault the drinks, and at less than £4.50 each, I can’t imagine finding a better budget cocktail.

I might not go out of my way to seek out Lang’s, but fortunately, you don’t have to. The fact that it’s right next to the station makes it a perfect place for a pre-train nightcap.

It was cheap, cheerful, but just ever so slightly pongy on our visit, sadly.

Lang's Bar & Cocktail Lounge, St Michael's Road, Sittingbourne, ME10 3DW

Décor: The theme was a little confused, going from Alice in Wonderland vibes inside to a tropical/alpine garden party out the back. And while you can’t blame Lang’s for the views of Sittingbourne’s skyline, I doubt that bit of hardstanding will be drawing crowds of Instagrammers jostling for the best sunset snapping spot **

Drinks: What we did have was tasty, well-made and great value. The only disappointment was that two of the drinks we wanted weren’t available ****

Price: It’s difficult to argue with two decent cocktails for less than £9, so I won’t. Top marks *****

Staff: The barmaid was personable and had good banter, but clearly didn’t suffer fools gladly. I wonder how she’d cope with a few more punters though, as she had to disappear off to the back bar to make the cocktails, leaving the main one unattended ****

Best for: A cheap girls’ night

Since the article was first published, Langs has asked us to point out that the problem with the smell came from a toilet blocked by a customer. This was fixed as soon as possible. We’re happy to clarify this matter.